


come silence my doubts (my eyes want to behold you)

by zyxingsus



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M, this is angsty as hell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-28
Updated: 2017-02-28
Packaged: 2018-09-27 12:58:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10021685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zyxingsus/pseuds/zyxingsus
Summary: baekhyun and yixing are caught in a seemingly never-ending cycle.





	

**Author's Note:**

> waiting for my sister proves to work in favor of my fic writing, this has been very lightly edited sorry if there are any mistakes!!

baekhyun didn’t know what was more enticing, yixing’s lips or his fingers. he wouldn’t mind either one considering what they’re doing, pressed up against the wall of their shared apartment, lips melting against one another, fingers entangled in one another’s hair, their hips softly grinding up against each other. he couldn’t get enough of this, yixing’s fingers stroking his body, yixing’s lips biting, sucking, kissing every part of baekhyun he can. baekhyun felt himself smiling into their incredibly heated make-out session, and could feel the other man smiling as well. he took this opportunity to trail his lips back up to yixing’s face, landing on his deep dimple and placing soft kisses to it, so out of tune with the almost rough technique they were going for. 

 

these interactions usually lead to nothing however, for yixing pulled away, slightly biting down on baekhyun’s bottom lip, and whispers another _i’m sorry, this wasn’t supposed to happen._

 

baekhyun can’t say he’s surprised anymore, but to have this small part of yixing was better than nothing at all, at least that’s what he told himself when he let himself think about it.

 

/

 

yixing never found himself able to keep his hands off baekhyun. it’s been that way since the two met, he couldn’t explain the thread he felt that tied him to baekhyun, it pulled him close and made him want to touch the other man, to kiss him, to make sure he knows how goddamn wonderful he is.

 

he shouldn’t feel this way, not for baekhyun.

 

/

 

baekhyun caught himself staring at yixing again, he wanted yixing to hold him again. he wanted yixing to stop pulling away and kiss him like he means it without apologizing and leaving. _stop running, it’s just me,_ he wants so badly to whisper to yixing, but it would be useless. yixing wants nothing to do with him when he’s sober, he’s just a lonely drunk.

 

he sometimes thinks of what it would be like if yixing didn’t lead him on and then leave, baekhyun knows yixing doesn’t mean to hurt him, he knows that yixing is as kind as someone can be, but he can’t help but barely hold himself together afterwards when it feels like his heart shatters more with every time yixing leaves. even now, just thinking about yixing just leaving him again tears him apart again.

 

but baekhyun and yixing are just friends. friends who occasionally spend the night together, friends who spend more time avoiding one another than actually speaking about the elephant in the room. just, friends. he shouldn’t think about this anymore, it hurts too much.

 

/

 

“i don’t know junmyeon, i can never bring myself to go all the way with baekhyun, it feels like torture. i want him to know the way i feel, but i don’t want to lose him.” yixing sighs into junmyeon’s embrace. he doesn’t know how much longer he can pretend he doesn’t just want to take baekhyun into his arms and tell him how long he’s loved him, but it feels like crossing a line in their decade long friendship and losing baekhyun would mean losing himself in the process, so he won’t take that risk.

 

“tell him then, you always insist on keeping it to yourself. how do you know he doesn’t feel the same way?” junmyeon replies, eyes softening at how hard this is on his friend.

 

“he doesn’t, why would he?” yixing tells him, eyes drooping in defeat. “i can’t lose him junmyeon.” yixing’s voice breaks slightly, his sadness takes up the empty space between them, it used to be easier, pretending he didn’t harbor such a massive crush on his best friend, but now it’s unbearable. yixing sees baekhyun in everything, it gets hard to breathe thinking of how much love he has for baekhyun. yixing’s frown turns into something deeper, more morose and junmyeon decides it’s time for a subject change.

 

/

 

baekhyun stares at yixing across the table, he looks exhausted. the bags under his eyes become more pronounced with every passing day, and the purple bruise-like shadows under his eyes are hard to cover, even with makeup. baekhyun wants to scream at him for putting work over resting, but he knows it won’t do anything.

 

“yixing,” baekhyun finds himself breathing, taking yixing’s exhausted face into his hands and lifting it up, “please, for god’s sake sleep. take care of yourself.” baekhyun’s voice cracks, and he wants to cry again, he feels so goddamn useless, seeing yixing so worked up and so exhausted, but only watching from the sidelines. 

 

yixing tries to reply, but the effort it takes to reply is too much for his exhausted self, so he just nods. baekhyun helps him up to his feet and semi-carries, semi-pulls yixing into bed. he takes off his shoes and jacket, and brings his blanket up to cover the other man’s body, before he can help himself he leans down and places a soft kiss onto each of yixing’s eyelids.

 

as he stands up to leave something pulls him back.

 

“please, baekhyun. stay.” yixing’s voice is so sad, baekhyun feels it in his bones, and he wants to sob softly, watching the person he loves so exhausted and so drained makes him feel it too. he knows he shouldn’t, he knows he should just leave, but he does otherwise, and settles into bed, taking yixing into his arms and whispering sweet nothings into his hair until he falls asleep. baekhyun falls asleep soon afterwards.

 

/

 

yixing wakes up, still in baekhyun’s arms. he wishes time would stop already, just so he can pretend this is how it always is.

 

he twists his body so that he’s looking up at baekhyun’s sleeping face, the only sound obscuring the silent bliss was the sound of baekhyun’s breathing (which yixing did not mind listening to, he actually felt at ease knowing baekhyun’s resting), not for the first time, yixing takes in baekhyun’s pretty features. as always, he is rendered speechless, baekhyun is breathtakingly beautiful, and being able to look at him from up close so calm and motionless brings yixing an inexplicable amount of ease. he stays like that, allowing himself to admire baekhyun’s features.

 

that is until baekhyun opened his eyes.

 

/

 

baekhyun misses yixing, he misses his warm company and obnoxious laugh, he misses his touchy hands and his dumb dimple, he even misses the longing feeling that came with being so close to the other man. being away from yixing is like drowning, but being close to yixing is torture, he wonders if he will ever find any middle ground.

 

and he wonders if he’ll ever be able to let go of this silly crush.

 

/

 

yixing misses baekhyun. he misses his annoyingly loud screeching and his bright smile, he misses the little moles on his face he sometimes traced over before he could help himself. maybe he once he’s back he’ll confess it all to him, just spill a decades worth of feelings on the table just so that he could start to breathe again, but he thinks of losing baekhyun and backs out.

 

/

 

they went out for drinks again. needless to say, they ended up in their apartment pressed up against one another, lips trailing each other’s body’s, yixing didn’t want to stop, he wanted to keep going, he wanted all of baekhyun, it got harder to pull away with every passing moment, yixing’s lips and baekhyun’s melding against one another again. yixing bit into baekhyun’s bottom lip and took advantage of the slight gasp the other emitted to slip his tongue into the other’s mouth. 

 

this is a bad idea. he should stop.

 

and yet, baekhyun let’s out a string of moans that sound suspiciously like a mixture of _please_ and _don’t leave._ and this time yixing doesn’t leave.

 

he lets baekhyun drag him into his room, and all the hesitation he’s held in him was thrown away with every article of clothing slipping off of one another’s bodies. just one night, he’ll let his fantasies come alive for once.

 

discovering how loud baekhyun was, was definitely worth it.

 

/ 

 

baekhyun couldn’t breathe, but he couldn’t get enough of yixing. he was intoxicated in the taste of yixing, he was never letting him go, not this time. so when he begged, almost teary eyed he hoped so very badly that yixing would listen for once, and surprisingly enough he listened.

 

his body was on fire, anywhere yixing touched, kissed, licked, and stroked lit aflame, it was a fever begging for release and oh was it released. 

 

/

 

this time it was yixing holding baekhyun in his arms until the other finally fell asleep. _tomorrow, i’ll tell him._

 

for the first time in a long time, yixing fell into a comfortable sleep, his head nuzzled into the nape of baekhyun’s neck.

 

/ 

 

the first thing baekhyun realized when he woke up was the hot breath on his neck, he- carefully as to not wake the other up- twisted his head to see their clothes strewn across the room, and an arm around his naked waist, holding up close up against a warm chest.

 

_yixing._

 

he didn’t leave this time, why hadn’t he left? what changed?

 

baekhyun stilled and settled back against yixing, suddenly afraid that if yixing woke up this would all be over. a mistake.

 

/

 

yixing didn’t know what to do, he laid awake for hours, watching baekhyun stir from his slumber and move slightly, but couldn’t bring himself to say anything, move anything, or even breathe in the wrong way, worried about baekhyun’s reaction as he relayed the events of the night before.

 

he doesn’t regret it, but he dreads telling baekhyun, or rather spilling what he’s held in him for close to a decade, he dreads baekhyun’s reaction. he closes his eyes and whispers a silent prayer.

 

/

 

by the time baekhyun is awake again the warmth behind him was gone, which meant yixing was gone. he panicked momentarily and wondered if it was just a cruel dream.

 

until yixing’s head popped into the room, smile wide and dimple on display.

 

“wake up already! it’s past noon.” yixing’s tone almost sounded like a whine, and just like that baekhyun’s doubts were put at ease as he slid out of bed and into the shower.

 

/

 

yixing’s palms could not stop sweating, to say that he was nervous was an understatement. waiting for baekhyun felt like hours, his mind running to every bad possibility and by the time baekhyun walked out into their living room, yixing was half convinced he _wouldn’t_ be telling baekhyun anything.

 

“we need to talk.” baekhyun beat him to it, and suddenly yixing couldn’t breathe, what if it really went wrong?

 

/

 

a few months later they’re both sprawled on yixing’s bed, baekhyun having decided he wouldn’t need the other room to sleep in, baekhyun has his head on yixing’s chest and he’s lightly tracing circles on the soft skin of yixing’s naked chest.

 

“you know, looking back at it now, i don’t see why we waited this long. of course we were both afraid, but were we really cowards to our own feelings for close to a decade?” baekhyun looks up at yixing when he speaks a smile tugging on his lips.

 

“well you leaving me in the midst of multiple makeout sessions was discouraging enough.” baekhyun teased lightly, and yixing felt himself flush.

 

“yeah, that was shitty of me. how can i make it up? or is it too late?” he quirks an eyebrow, his tone staying light but baekhyun didn’t miss the double meaning.

 

“i can think of a few things.” baekhyun replies, pulling his face closer to yixing’s and meeting his lips with his own, this time his smile was hard to hide.


End file.
